His Heart Stayed Flat for Me, Raced for Her, I Stayed for Neither Chapter 09
Little by little, I started to come out of my shell. Conversations felt less exhausting. I began to speak up in class, not perfectly, but enough.Â
The first time I gave a presentation without my hands shaking, the whole class applauded. My professor said I did a great job.Â
When I talked to my classmates afterward, they said I seemed different. Lighter. More like myself.Â
That was a feeling I had never had back home.Â
Back home, I was “average.” I was “not goodÂ
enough for Caleb.” I was “just a desperate girl withÂ
a crush.”Â
My classmates laughed whenever teachers calledÂ
on me. When I made it into the top ten on the finalÂ
exam, they called it luck.Â
Next to Caleb, I seemed completely ordinary. HistÂ
brilliance and confidence drowned out every good.Â
thing about me.Â
But eventually, I realized I wasn’t as ordinary asÂ
they all said.Â
In other people’s eyes, I was just as good asÂ
anyone else.Â
As I walked out of the library, my phone rang.Â
An unknown number.Â
“Emily.” It was Caleb. He sounded tired. And thereÂ
was something in his voice I had never heardÂ
before: Humility.Â
“I came to find you. I’m right outside your schoolÂ
gate. Please… just see me.”Â
I never thought Caleb would come all the way toÂ
another country just to find me.Â
Two months had passed. He seemed different,Â
but also the same.Â
“Emily, I’m sorry.”Â
“I know it’s too late to say any of this. But I have toÂ
say it. I like you.”Â
It was all too late, the apology, the confession, theÂ
feelings.Â
If this had happened before we broke up, I mightÂ
have felt sorry for him. I might have forgiven himÂ
again.Â
But now, we were already over.Â
I didn’t feel anything for him anymore.Â
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “Okay. IÂ
heard you. And then what?”Â
He grabbed my wrist and pulled me into a tightÂ
hug.Â
“Emily, let’s get back together. I’ll never say theÂ
word breakup again.”Â
“From now on, I’ll do whatever you say. When weÂ
go back, I’ll announce it to everyone!”Â
He buried his face in my shoulder. His voice wasÂ
hoarse.Â
“Emily, I missed you every single day these pastÂ
two months. They all told me not to come. But IÂ
just had to see you.”Â
Caleb had never spoken to me like that, not once.Â
When I used to say “I miss you,” he’d call meÂ
cheesy.Â
But it didn’t matter anymore.Â
“Caleb, you were the one who wanted to break up. And now you’re the one who wants to get backÂ
together.”Â
“You say you like me, but you spent years puttingÂ
me down in front of everyone. You were too afraid to admit we were together. You made me wait three years for nothing.”Â
I pushed him away hard, tears streaming down myÂ
face.Â
“Do you have any idea how much it hurt every time you said you didn’t like me in front of them?”Â
“I’ve been hearing ‘Emily isn’t good enough for Caleb‘ for more than ten years. I worked as hard as I could to catch up to you. And you said myÂ
improvement was just luck?”Â
“You never cared about how I felt. You never sawÂ
how hard I tried. You always acted like you wereÂ
better than everyone and expected everyone toÂ
revolve around you!”Â
By the end, I was practically screaming.Â
All the pain of those years finally found a voice.Â
Caleb tried to step closer, tried to comfort me, butÂ
I pushed him away again.Â
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Emily. I’ll change. I swear I’ll change all of it. You were always good enough.”Â
“Caleb, I’m done. I’m not chasing you anymore.Â
We’re over.”Â
“Go home. And don’t come back.”Â
I wiped my eyes, turned around, and walked backÂ
inside.

