I Was Never the Girl in His Diary Chapter 01
The moment the SAT season finally wrapped up, Barrett’s mother bagged up a massive stack of old prep books and brought them over as study materials for my high school junior brother, Zachary.
Sifting through the mountain of paper, Zachary dragged out a thick, heavy journal from the bottom of the pile. It belonged to Barrett.
It was a staggering four-year high school journal—thick, worn, and spanning exactly one thousand and ninety-six pages, meticulously chronicling his secret, agonizing crush.
My heart did a little flutter. I was just about to blush and shyly claim it as mine.
But Zachary cleared his throat, a mocking smirk playing on his lips as he began reading aloud right into my ear:
“March 1st. The strawberry milk I bought for her got confiscated again. Guess it’s going to poor Valerie again. Lucky her.”
“March 2nd. Bought two movie tickets, but she blew me off. Didn’t want them to go to waste, so I had to lie to Valerie and drag her along instead.”
Growing impatient with the sheer volume, Zachary flipped straight to the very last page. The most recent entry was dated June 10th.
“Seraphina rejected my confession. In a fit of sheer rage, I accepted Valerie’s instead.”
Zachary burst into hysterical laughter, clutching his stomach as he gasped for air.
“Valerie, oh my god, how embarrassing! You spent eighteen years following Barrett around like a shadow, and the moment you finally ‘win’ him, it turns out he only threw you a bone to spite the girl he actually loves! If I were you, I’d disappear from embarrassment.”
My fingers clamped hard onto the hem of my school hoodie, my knuckles turning a deathly, strained white.
I didn’t say a word to him.
Turning on my heel, I walked straight into my room, opened my own laptop, and brutally deleted the top item on my wishlist—the dream of attending the same university as Barrett.
……
Zachary strolled in right after me, catching me in the act.
Leaning carelessly against the doorframe with his arms crossed, he glanced sideways at my screen, his lips curling into a dismissive, patronizing sneer.
“Come on, Valerie, don’t be so incredibly petty. So what if Barrett lied to you once? A guy as brilliant and high-profile as him is completely out of your league anyway. You’re just a nobody.”
“If the school sweetheart hadn’t shot him down, someone like you wouldn’t even have a shot at the throne. You should be counting your blessings. It’s a win-win for you, don’t you get it?”
“I really don’t.” I replied coldly.
Zachary rolled his eyes, letting out a sharp scoff.
“Stop acting so high and mighty. There’s no explaining things to someone this stubborn. Honestly, if I were Barrett, I’d never notice someone so ordinary and quiet.”
“When you stand next to Seraphina, you can’t compare to her at all.”
I raised my hand to swing at him, but he flashed a mocking face and bolted down the hallway before I could touch him.
I stared at the thick journal on my desk. This journal carried four years of Barrett’s effort and devotion. After debating it over and over, I figured it was best to just return it.
So, I pulled up iMessage and sent him a text.
Barrett was always painfully slow to reply. Sometimes a single message would sit unanswered for over ten hours, occasionally stretching into a full day before returning a brief, detached text.
Even after we officially started dating, this frustrating dynamic hadn’t improved in the slightest.
I had spent months comforting myself, rationalizing that it was just his introverted, aloof personality, telling myself not to take it to heart.
It wasn’t until I read that journal that everything finally became clear. Barrett would stay up all night just waiting for a single ping from Seraphina. He would drop everything—anything—the very second she texted, replying instantly.
Only then did the devastating truth hit me.
He wasn’t naturally cold or distant. I was just entirely insignificant to him.
Predictably, my message went unanswered as usual. A full day passed, and the chat bubble remained entirely quiet.
I decided to deliver it in person.
The next morning, I stood outside his porch.
Looking through the pristine, spotless glass window, I could see Barrett sitting at the dining table, eating breakfast while chatting casually with his mother.
My hand hovered over the doorbell. Before I could press down, my childhood friend’s voice drifted clearly through the pane, piercing straight into my ears.
“I’m not applying to Arlington University anymore. I’m thinking about committing to Crestview College instead.”
My grip on the heavy journal tightened so hard the corners bent.
Then came Mrs. Sterling’s sharp questioning voice:
“Didn’t you and Valerie make a pact to go to Arlington together? Why the sudden change to Crestview? Was this Valerie’s idea?”
“No, it’s my own choice. I haven’t told her yet.”
Mrs. Sterling’s expression soured instantly.
“You’re dating the girl. Fine, if you don’t want to go to the same college, that’s one thing, but making a massive life decision without even consulting her? Is that how a decent boyfriend acts?”
Her tone was biting, and for the first time in his life, Barrett snapped back with uncharacteristic fury.
He slammed his fork onto the table with a resounding clatter.
“What century are we living in? Who made a law saying couples have to go to the exact same college? That’s so incredibly archaic!”
“Besides, given Valerie’s mediocre grades, it’s a miracle if she even gets into Arlington. Why are you so obsessed with tying my entire future to hers?!”
